No matter what I try to do or what ever thing happening in me, I know that no one will help me out, it because I never ask and when I try to ask for help, it either they ignore or don’t pick up my call, or even saying thing that I shouldn’t do but I want to spoil myself a little with the money that all I can do for myself! One day, with $70, that a lot that I can even save up, it not like I don’t try to save up, it hard for me to save up especially when my sister doesnt have money and I buy it for her! Also she could ask my mom or brother but sometime she doesn’t feel right asking them because she feel bad and feel the exactly the same as me when asking them for money when we all grow up and shit!
Shoot, for the $70, i spend it on myself food and drink, also I spend it on my sister too! I don’t even have enough for myself when I want to hang out with my friend! Most of the time when my friend ask me to go out eat or whatever, I always push them and say I’m busy with school or I have lot of homework to do!
Also I been staying home a lot when I know gas are super expensive and stuff also when going out you need money money and money! Everything need money!
I haven’t been shopping for so long and I seriously do need new clothes but I barely shop because that also need money too! Sigh…..
Five day for two people to spend the only $70, aren’t enough unless I don’t buy it, sometime if I didn’t buy it for my sister or my brother, I feel really bad cause this is how I am, I care for them and I love them too!
Well I’m just piss at myself why I’m being so nice and why I’m being so care about other instead of myself, well I guess because when I see other have a simile on and that make me happy!
為什麼？為什麼？我真是好唔明為什麼有些人傷害了其他人，他們唔會後悔嗎？為什麼他們還可過得很開心？為什麼老天爺爺，我好想知道我到底做錯了什麼？我一路以來,我對每一個人都很好，我是一心一意對他們，但是為什麼他們要這樣對我？我真是好想好想知道我到底做錯了什麼？我心裡真是好唔開心！我覺得有時候，世界上好唔公平！我要怪，就怪自己對人實在太個好！我希望我可以張唔開心而失去的記憶！這樣我的心這樣唔死麻煩！
i miss you so much! i wish that i dont have to stress when i see you and also being happy with you omg…….i will always love you no matter what and no matter where you go!
I really miss you so much! i always want you to be by my side and i will be happy to have you be next to me so that i dont feel lonely or anything…….
i cant even handle it no more i swear it god and i really cant breath it too that it is so hard where i want to kill myself sometime cause i always feel bad that when i want to do thing like have some fun or just relaxing or even chill and shit i cant, also i get so frustrating and struggling at the point where my mom always pressuring me even more bad cause im feel that she is mad at me what i want to do when i really want her to know that how much im not happy working at that place and plus i really want to quit that job and just focus my school work! i hate working that place when i dont even like the coworker cause they doesnt even know me and talking shit about me and also if didnt listen to them or even didnt do the stuff that they told me they will yell at me what the hell? common sense man when there are people walk around but that doesnt mean the customer will come buy the food from us cause there are other place in here too that some customer will like our food but some doesnt also to other people right? cause it up to them? what the hell? also when they told me to go in the warehouse and they stack the drink hecka freaking high? what am i suppose to do? i cant even get nothing cause im tiny and small? what the fuck man why the fuck they always have to tell me do this and that? they arent my boss man Shit that fucking bitch! also the refrighter already full up all the drink and they still telling me to go in get more out? what the fuck? they cant even sell everything in one day? that impossible shit? they are just fucking lazy and shit!
also today i hate how my coworker acting she the boss there and telling me to do this and that, and yell at me why i didnt get 1 case of water bottle? i didnt get it because there already hecka drink, and my ass she can sell alll the water in one day i mean the whole refrighter until everything is gone? i doubt it shit! im the one who can hide in all my mad and angriness inside of me man seriously, if they over did it, i dont care if the boss is here or not? i will cure back at them and i dont give a fuck about them either cause they are fucking dumb and shit! most of the customer doesnt even like them how they serve them cause give them hecka little shit!
Man, mom seriously, i hate them so much, really i been listening to you that i hold my angry and my madness every day when i work there? i even want to tell you how much i want to quit the job because like you say they are evil, do you want me to become evil like them? i dont think so? if i really did turn evil? i wouldnt care about you and just ran aways from home! i cant do that cause you are my mom, you give me life, also you need to learn that this is 21 century! you know what i mean shoot!
man fuck it i wish that i have lot of money shoot! so i can do what ever i want! omfg…….stupid people!
last night was at my brother room doing my hw and while using his computer too, i didnt finish my homework, and it already 3am so i need my sleep because i have work today, well….. i find out that, that person is friend with one my friend from oakland high, i have a weird ass feeling that telling me he might has a new gf, i know that this isnt my problem that i shouldnt care about it, but how can im not care because of my heart still had him inside, i know that i make lot of mistake in the past, but i really dont know what to do right now, im still so hurt in pain as well, if you asking me how do i feel right now? i will honestly tell you im jealous, im upset, and my heart has the worse it pain ever in my life because seeing him dating again, but why, i couldnt mad at him at all because in the beginning, i dont know who give up first, but i know i did do my best to being his gf.
im really mad at myself making thing going so worse because honestly the truth is i never been in any relationship in my whole life, he is the first person step in my life letting me know WHAT IS LOVE? how happy i was when i still with him, but really, i really dont know what to do? i wish someone can tell me or teach me what should i do to above to let go of this painful feeling that i have inside of me! i really want to hurt myself sometime because i hating this feeling of jealous and it is horrible too!
omg…….GOD can u please take away all the memory that i have for him so bring me back the real me please? bring me back the one that i didnt meet him from the beginning and start falling in love with him!
omg….alright tumblr need to get ready for work!
omg…..i cant believe that school already been starting for 2 week now and really need to focus and getting good grade to pass the class seriously so i can get my degree fast, but then i cant rush everything at once because we need to time get over with!
i really dont know what to do right now even though finish homework but still tomorrow class and hopefully i get there on time lol but yeah! it take 15 min to get to alameda start from my house so yeah oh well……tumblr……
i really dont know what to do when there are lot of issue going around and it giving me lot of pressure stress and frustrating! seriously i thought about to quit the job and just focus on my major getting my Bachlor Associate for Business Administrative!
all this class that im taking it really super hard and im doing my best to pass all the class and above to graduate and get my degree so that i can find job easy but then this day job is really hard to find because economy are bad and stuff…..omg
sometime i think about being in a relationship again so that they can be next to me cool me down and no matter what happen will always be there for me, also facing the problem with me. so that i dont have to worry too much stuff or something….i really want to be happy again but it is hard to find someone that he love me and i love him. well….i am a picky person, clumsy person and such. i also have a good personality unless you treat me bad then they know what up! for sure lol
well anyway, i hope that i can handle all those problem and my stress seriously! if i can above to do that i know i will be stronger than before!
too certain people that always say this is why not many people take me serious! okay, good; I will prove you wrong! the reason certain people say that to me because one is they doesnt even know me! Second of all, they think themselves is smart like a person have 200 IQ? No, your not! also certain people your think your can control other people life like this? No SHIT! all i want to say is your fucking selfish when your aint happy or something or even jealous of other, so what? you have other thing that will make yourself happy! they have their to make themselves happy just like a couple being in a relationship! you can not make them follow your way when u not happy! why do your have to take it so serious? also for certain people your saying im acting too childless? well compare me to your? i think your the one who acting childless and grow the fuck up as an adult!
oh well…who care about the certain people shit, they are no longer as my friend and i have nothing to do with them because your just dont even get the main point! so peace out to the certain people!
oh well………talking back about m job, i really hate it when two of my coworker always telling me to do this and that and complain i didnt do my job or even finish it? WTF? you the one who always being fucking lazy and never do the job that you suppose too! man seriously im have a small body and tiny, why do i always have to go get the drink like 5 or 6 case when there are lot of the drink that we can sell also it is fucking heavy and shit! when your fucking tall and have more energy than me that never go get it?
once time i didnt get it and you just curing shit behind my back? wtf did i do wrong? i only work for two day and monday it is not my business and im not suppose to helping you get all the stuff shit! you the one have suppose to following it and what the point for boss hiring you for? your should of been fire! stupid lazy!
i was holding inside of me and really piss and shit, finally i told my boss that im not happy working with them and want to quit the job, but then i feel bad afterward telling my boss above it because she was really nice to me always watch out for me and never yell at me, another reason is i fire her and making her have more problem, but know that she already have too much problem so do i, so i told her i decide it to stay because of her and because of my family!
i dont want to make the same mistake again like how i did before i have a really nice boss who always teaching me about the material like the wafer for the computer stuff! i feel really regret that quiting that job because one is for school, second of myself getting a good degree, and third of course was spending more time with my ex that year! i wasnt thinking and im really feel a shame too.
this is why i ending up not quiting because i dont want to give problem to my boss when i know she already have too much problem and i want to help her out a little as least just like for my family too!
well……already i reallly need to sleep now good night tumblr!
I REALLY HATE HIM so MUCH! IF HE DIDNT HAVE A FRIEND THAT TALKING SHIT IN BETWEEN, WE MIGHT STILL BE TOGETHER! I REALLY HATE YOU SO MUCH, WHEN I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU, I KNOW THAT YOU WOULDNT GOING TO BREAK THE FRIENDSHIP WITH THAT PERSON! SO I DECIDE IT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU!
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN I HAVE INSIDE OF MY HEART? DO YOU EVER THINK IM A GIRL THAT JUST WANT TO HAVE A HAPPY FAMILY WHERE I WANT TO GIVE BORN TO OUR KID AND LIFE TOGETHER? THAT ALL I ONLY WANT! WHY THOUGH? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE FRIEND OVER THAN YOUR FUTURE? WELL……..IT DONT MATTER ANYMORE BECAUSE IT BEEN 1 YEARS and 1 WEEK In THE HALF NOW, IF YOU WERE STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF AS A MEN, AND IF YOU REALLY DID CARE ABOUT ME, YOU WOULD ALREADY BEEN LOOKING FOR ME! ALSO TELLING ME HOW MUCH STUFF YOU WANT TO SAY TO ME AND OTHER! YOU CHOOSE NOT TO DO IT!
YOU ARENT A MAN AT ALL, SO DO YOUR FRIEND! I DONT CARE ABOUT HIM! HE IS A SELFISH PERSON ANYWAY! HE DOESNT HAVE HAPPINESS, AND WANT HIS FRIEND LIKE YOU DOESNT HAVE A HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE! SO YOU TWO CAN BE TOGETHER! ALSO I THINK HE IS JUST LYING TO YOU WHEN HE SAY HE TREAT YOU AS HIS FRIEND/BROTHER! I DONT SEE HE DOING THAT! HE JUST WANT TO KEEP YOU TO HIMSELF LISTENING TO HIM! TRYING TO CONTROL YOUR LIFE!
OH WELL…..WHY AM I STILL TALKING ABOUT YOU? WHY DO I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU? WHY? I NEED TO STOP! SERIOUSLY, OMFG………ERR……..IT BEEN 1 YEAR AND 1 Week in the HALF NOW! I GOT OVER SO I NEED TO STOP! I WILL STOP MYSELF! SERIOUSLY!
THIS IS WHY I STILL HATE YOU SO MUCH WHEN YOU STILL BE FRIEND WITH HIM WHEN YOU KNOW HE IS AN ASS HOLE ALSO SO DO YOU TOO! ASS HOLE JERK!
THIS IS MY REALLY LAST COMMENT ABOUT YOU! I WILL TOTALLY FORGET EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND ALL THE PEOPLE THAT I SHOULDNT MET iN MY LIFE!
<3
(via shapeofheart)